Missionary Dating
"Unequally yoked" (from 2 Corinthians 6) is the warning against a Christian marrying a non-Christian; "missionary dating" is the tongue-in-cheek name for dating someone in hopes of converting them.
What they actually mean
“"The church's warning about marrying outside the faith — and the nickname for dating someone to convert them."”
Heard in the wild
“Her mom keeps warning her about being unequally yoked.”
“It was missionary dating — I thought I'd bring him to church. He brought me away from it.”
The Lighter Side
A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen. This is the church's way of saying relationships are hard enough when you're both pulling the same direction. Careful with this one; it's landed on real people.
The longer version
What it means
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers," Paul wrote, using the image of two animals harnessed to one plow — mismatched animals pull unevenly, and the work fails. Christians apply the verse chiefly to marriage: a believer and a non-believer will pull in different directions on the deepest things, so the church counsels against it. Many extend it to serious dating, since dating leads to marriage. "Missionary dating" is the knowing nickname for the workaround: dating a non-Christian with the plan of converting them — which churches warn against, and which happens anyway, with mixed results.
The teaching sits alongside Paul's other instruction: if you're already married to an unbeliever, stay, love them, and don't treat them as a problem to solve.
Why people say it
The concern is practical and pastoral: marriage is hard, and the church has watched many mixed marriages strain over faith, children, church, and priorities. It's also theological: for Christians, faith isn't one interest among many but the center of life, and sharing it with a spouse matters. Youth pastors and parents say "unequally yoked" because they've seen the outcomes and they're worried; the phrase carries that worry, and sometimes more judgment than it should.
How to respond
If someone warns you about being unequally yoked, they're expressing concern about your relationship's foundation; you can hear the concern without accepting the verdict, and "I understand why you're worried" is a reasonable answer. If you're the non-Christian in a relationship with a believer and you hear this, know that the church's view of you is not the last word — and that Paul told your partner to love you, not fix you. If you're a Christian doing "missionary dating," older Christians will tell you it rarely works and sometimes costs you your faith; they may be right.
If you hear it in different churches
Evangelical, Baptist, and Pentecostal churches teach it firmly and apply it to dating. Reformed and Lutheran churches teach it as wisdom for marriage. Catholics permit marriage to non-Catholics and non-Christians with a dispensation and promises about raising children Catholic. Orthodox permit marriage to other Christians but generally not to non-Christians. Mainline Protestants counsel about it but rarely forbid. Every tradition has members in mixed marriages who are living it out faithfully.
Where does “Missionary Dating” come from?
2 Corinthians 6:14 — "do not be yoked together with unbelievers" — is the text, using the image of Deuteronomy 22:10's prohibition on plowing with an ox and a donkey together; whether Paul meant marriage specifically is debated, but the church applied it that way early. 1 Corinthians 7:12–16 and 1 Peter 3:1 address believers already married to unbelievers. "Unequally yoked" is the King James wording that became a fixed phrase. "Missionary dating" is evangelical youth slang from the 1980s–90s, always said with a knowing tone.
Good to know
This is real teaching, held across traditions in some form, and it has hurt real people — those who married non-Christians and were treated as failures, and non-Christian spouses who were treated as projects. Paul's actual instruction to those *already* married to unbelievers (1 Corinthians 7) is to stay, love, and not judge. Churches vary on how strictly they apply it; Catholics permit mixed marriages with conditions. If someone raises it about your relationship, they're worried; whether they're right is a separate question.
You might also hear
Courting
Youth Group & CampDating with marriage explicitly in view — often with families involved, boundaries agreed up front, and casual dating avoided — a practice revived in some evangelical circles in the 1990s.
“"Dating, but only if you're serious, and your parents are watching."”
Purity Ring
Youth Group & CampThe 1990s–2000s evangelical movement urging teenagers to pledge abstinence until marriage — with rings, rallies, books, and modesty teaching — and the wider culture it created, which many Christians have since critiqued.
“"The '90s youth-group abstinence movement — rings, pledges, and a lot of rules — and the reckoning that followed."”
Guard Your Heart
Youth Group & CampBe careful about emotional and romantic attachment — don't give your heart away too fast or to the wrong person. From Proverbs 4:23, mostly applied to dating.
“"Don't fall too hard, too fast, for someone who isn't right."”
Common questions
What does "unequally yoked" mean?+
From 2 Corinthians 6:14 — being harnessed to someone pulling a different direction. Christians apply it to marriage between a believer and a non-believer, which the church counsels against.
What if I'm already married to a non-Christian?+
Paul's instruction (1 Corinthians 7) is to stay, love your spouse, and not treat them as a problem. Churches should support such marriages, and good ones do.
What's missionary dating?+
Dating a non-Christian with the hope of converting them. The name is tongue-in-cheek, and churches discourage it — it can work, but more often the influence runs the other way.
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Written by Rev. Christopher D.F. Warrington, Ordained Minister, M.Div. · Updated September 2026
This entry was compiled with AI assistance and has not yet been reviewed by an ordained pastor.